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Mr. One-Liner

Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day





Home Page Confucius Say More One-Liners


Your mother should have thrown you away and kept the stork.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

I've just learned about your illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I wish someone would tear you down and put up a human being.

How would you like to donate a pint of blood through the nose?

Why don't you let that hole under your nose heal up?

What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Wipe your mouth. There's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement right away.

I heard you changed your mind. What did you do with the diaper?

Don't believe everything you think.

You may not be Mr. Right, but you'll do until he shows up.

Shhhh...that's the sound of nobody caring what you think.

If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

Did you have an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me?

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be overjoyed.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

If stupidity was painful, you'd be in agony.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!

Go on. Add some variety to your sex life...use the other hand.

Those penis enlargement pills you took must be working. You're a bigger dick now than you were last week.

The next time your mind goes blank, do all of us a favor -- turn off the sound.

There are two sides to every argument, but I don't have time to listen to yours.

I'm not saying you're lazy, but you should try out for "American Idle."

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really your personality.

I'm not saying she's ugly, but if she was cast as Lady Godiva, the horse would steal the show.

I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have a place to put it.

I know that you're nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do so for you.

Sometimes I think that the only way you can get stupider is to get bigger.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?

Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent.

Don't you just love nature, despite what it did to you?

Are you going to be the cause of my next headache?

Save Your Breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the one that made it.

Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Someday you will get your big chance...or have you already had it?

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.

If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.

Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

I will always love the false image I had of you.

It's okay to be ugly, but aren't you overdoing it?


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